A present father.

I remember how happy the game of basketball made me as a kid.  The exhilarating feeling when you score a basket, the intense competition, the high fives from teammates and coaches and so much more.  The one missing piece for me in it all was the presence of my dad in the stands.  My parents divorced when I was 3 or 4 years old, and my dad was not in my life.  I don't recall a time when my dad and mom were together or when my dad lived with our family.  As a young athlete, I recall hearing the cheers of fathers and seeing fathers coaching their sons during the game, and it was something I always desired.  My mom was at almost every game.  She found a way to make it to all my games while working multiple jobs to support our family. I am truly grateful for her love and support.  With that said, I noticed there was something different about the kids that had their fathers present.  They seemed to exude a level of confidence and joy I felt like I couldn't get myself to.  The two guys I measured myself against on the basketball court both had present fathers who actively supported and coached them during games.  I couldn't help but to feel that if I had the same, I could be as good as they were at basketball, and could have enjoyed the game so much more if I had a dad to share it with. 

These were deep thoughts for a 10 year old boy to process, but I vividly remember struggling with these feelings from that point, and now, even into adulthood as the game of basketball changed to the game of real life.  It was through this experience that I've always known the major impact and importance a father has on the life of a child.

I've been blessed with 6 amazing children of my own.  It's the most amazing feeling in the world to share life with these little people who think the world of you. I've used my experience with an absent father to help shape the kind of father I want to be to my children.  That leads me to the word present.  Not just the physical presence, but the kind of presence that consists of deep relationship, cheering from the stands, laughing together until your bellies hurt, holding their hair while they vomit and wiping away tears when they're sad. The kind of presence that comes with long walks, weekends camping, long days on the water fishing, teaching them to roll over for the first time, to crawl, to stand, to walk, to ride a bike, to go potty, to talk, to read and to write.  The kind of presence that births sharing your passions with them and seeing their passions birthed within them and being there to share it with them. 

Life can easily get in the way of this kind of presence I am referencing.  One has to be disciplined and purposeful to accomplish this.  When I feel myself falling short, I remind myself of 10 year old Seborn. What that young boy needed was a present father and I know that’s exactly what my kids need from me.  So, a celebration of fatherhood to me, is a day full of time to be present with my children.  I don’t want a day off from being a dad. I want nothing more than uninterrupted time to be together.  Some things we have done over the years on Father’s day include, camping trips with just the kids and dad.  We’ve done this at a campsite or even just pitching a tent in the backyard.  Time outdoors, conversation over a fire while eating smores and sleeping under the stars will develop core memories for the kids. It has been my favorite Father’s day tradition.  Another way we have celebrated and fostered the uninterrupted time is a full day at home that included eating a favorite meal, reading a favorite book, video games, board games, goofing around until we laugh uncontrollably and so much more. 

I want this on Father’s day and as many days throughout the year because I know that when they reflect on their childhood, they’ll be able to see how the presence of their father made a huge impact in shaping who they are, and that to me, is the ultimate reason for celebration. Happy Father’s day to all the dads!  Keep pushing and keep striving to be present in the lives of your children.  Trust me, even if they don’t say it, they appreciate it more than you’ll ever know.